To See Her Smile
by CSI-girl419
Summary: When Calleigh loses a child, she loses a part of herself as well. Trying to move on, she leaves behind the only man she ever loved. Can he find her before it is too late? HC
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or any of its characters. Would I really be writing fanfiction if I did?**

**A/N: This story is completely different from anything I've tried before, but I also think that it's some of the best work I've ever done as far as the storyline goes. I hope you guys enjoy it!**

**This story is dedicated to my sister Julie because she has always been the one that has kept me excited about writing and I love sharing my little CSI world with her. She's been my muse and inspiration through it all. This one's for you Julie! I love you!**

**To See Her Smile**

"Calleigh Caine, what on earth are you doing here?"

She turned around to face the owner of the voice. "It's great to see you too Ryan," she laughed, "I'm gone for a month and that's how you greet me?"

"No, I'm just surprised to see you here," he said giving her a hug, "I thought you were on maternity leave."

"I am, but I got so bored just hanging around the house all day that I had to get up and do something," she said, putting a hand on her round stomach, "Besides, I figured you and Eric could use some help with the case load."

"But what about Horatio?" Ryan asked, raising one eyebrow, "He's certainly not going to be pleased to find you working."

"As long as he doesn't know I'm here, we don't have a problem. Catch my drift?" she asked winking at him, "And if it comes down to it, I'll bat my eyelashes and sweet talk him out of serious trouble. One of the many perks of marrying the boss."

Ryan laughed, "Well I must say that pregnancy hasn't taken your wit. You look beautiful by the way."

"Why thank you Ryan, that's very sweet," she said smiling. She was about to open her mouth to say something else when Eric walked into the room.

"Hey Calleigh. What are you doing here.." he was cut off as Calleigh clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound.

"Not so loud," she said, "Do you really want to let the whole lab, including my husband, know I'm here?"

She removed her hand from his mouth and he said, "Oh, so H doesn't know about this. I see. My lips are sealed."

"Thank you Eric," she said, greeting him officially with a hug, "It's so good to see you guys."

"How are you?" Eric asked placing a hand on her stomach, "And how's the littlest Caine?"

"We're both fine, although the way he kicks makes me think he's going to be a soccer player one day," she laughed, "Only a month and a half more to go, I can hardly wait!"

"You should see the way Horatio struts around here. He mentions you and the baby every chance he gets," Ryan said folding his arms across his chest.

"I know," she said, "He's the same way at home. He's like a little kid waiting for Christmas."

"Well, I hate to break up this little party, but I've got a scene to go too," Eric said, moving towards the door, "It was great seeing you again Cal, and don't worry, your little secret's safe with me."

"What little secret?" came a voice from the doorway on the other side of the lab. All three people in the room turned to see Horatio Caine leaned against the doorframe, an amused grin on his face.

"Umm, nothing H," Ryan said, quickly moving in front of Calleigh, "Eric and I were just talking about Alexx's surprise birthday party."

"Oh really?" Horatio asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Come on guys," Calleigh said, side stepping around Ryan, "This little ruse is up. There's no way that he missed seeing me and besides, Alexx's birthday isn't for another four months and we all know that you guys don't plan ahead."

"You can't say we didn't try," Ryan said, stepping back.

"Calleigh," Horatio said in a way that still made her heart melt even after being married for six years, "Why aren't you at home resting?"

"I missed the guys and Alexx," she said stepping closer to him, "And besides, I'm so bored at home, I thought I could help out here for a while."

"I"m going to the crime scene," Eric said suddenly, wanting to escape before a fight erupted, "You want to come Wolfe?"

"Right behind you," Ryan said quickly following his partner out the door.

Calleigh turned back to Horatio and put her hands, palm down, on his chest. "You aren't mad at me are you?" she asked quietly looking up into his eyes.

He tried to be serious for a few minutes, but eventually melted under her gaze. "I could never be mad at you," he said, cupping her face in his hand, "But I am worried about you. The doctor said to be careful and take it easy."

"I know Horatio," she said, turning her head, "But I don't want to go stir crazy either. Please let me have this one afternoon back at work and then I promise I'll be good for the remaining

month and a half."

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully, "Alright, I guess I can let you work in the labs for one afternoon, but I want you to be careful. No guns and no chemicals, is that a deal?"

"Sounds good to me," she said, sealing the deal with a kiss, "I'll see you later Sweetheart." She stepped out of his embrace and headed down the hall towards the ballistics lab. He watched her go and then, laughing to himself, turned and headed up the stairs towards his office.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Please read and review!**

The afternoon went far too quickly for Calleigh's liking and before she knew it, it was almost time to call it a day. She was walking down the hall with some folders in her hands when she saw Alexx walking towards her.

"You've been in the building all day and you didn't even stop by to say hello? I"m hurt," Alexx said with mocking tone in her voice.

"I didn't forget about you," Calleigh said giving the M.E. a quick hug, "I was going to come and see you right after I delivered these papers to Cooper."

They began talking about cases and babies when all of a sudden, Calleigh's face went very pale and she began to sway on her feet. Alexx caught her as she started to fall.

"Calleigh, honey, what's wrong?" Alexx said, trying to stay calm.

"I don't know, I just got really dizzy all of a sudden and...Ouch!" she exclaimed holding her stomach. Both Alexx and Calleigh looked down to find Calleigh's pants soaked in blood.

"Alexx, what's happening? It's too early to have the baby!" Calleigh panicked.

"Sit down right here," Alexx said, guiding her to the floor. She looked around and spotted the boys walking down the hall. "Ryan, Eric, one of you go get Horatio and the other call and ambulance, quickly!"

Ryan took off at a sprint toward's H's office and Eric flipped open his cell phone and dialed 911. A few moments later Horatio came flying down the hallway with Ryan close behind. He knelt down next to his wife and took hold of her hand.

"Calleigh sweetheart, it's going to be okay," he said, but the slight tremble in his voice gave him away.

"Horatio, it's too early for the baby to be born. It can't happen today," she said, fear in her eyes.

The paramedics came and put Calleigh on a stretcher and wheeled her out to the ambulance. Horatio never let go of her hand. "Hang in there, Cal," he said, squeezing her hand, "Hang in there."

They got to the hospital and Calleigh was taken into a room behind some double doors. The E.M.T. told Horatio to wait in the waiting room, until the doctors could figure out what was wrong with his wife. Horatio paced back and forth across the floor, desperate to be with Calleigh. Alexx arrived a few minuted later, followed Ryan and Eric.

"What could have happened, Alexx?" he asked the M.E., running his fingers through his hair.

"I'm not sure, we just have to pray for the best," Alexx said, running her hand up his arm.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doors opened and a doctor came through. "Mr. Caine," he said, "Please come with me."

Horatio followed the man down the hall and into a room where his wife lay. "Calleigh," he said, hurrying over to her and holding her hand tightly.

"Horatio, they won't tell me anything," Calleigh said, her face contorted in pain and fear.

The doctor cleared his throat and they both turned to look at him. "There is no easy way to tell you this," the doctor began and Horatio felt his heart sink. "There have been complications in the pregnancy and I'm afraid that your son is dead. We are going to have to take care of this immediately or an infection will set in and it could threaten Mrs. Caine's life."

"Dead?" Calleigh choked through her tears, "How can he be dead? He was fine this morning."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Caine, but sometimes these things just happen. We need to proceed with the birth process as soon as possible," the doctor said apologetically, "I'll leave you alone for a few minutes while we get ready for the procedure."

After the doctor left, Calleigh turned to Horatio, and she saw the pain in his eyes as well and it was almost more that she could deal with. "He's dead," she sobbed into his shoulder, "And it's all my fault. If I hadn't been so impatient and so stupid, we'd still have our son."

"Shh," Horatio said, holding her tightly against him, "It's not your fault. Sometimes these things just happen." He didn't want to tell her it was going to be okay eventually because right now even he was having a hard time believing it.

The doctor came in and they began the birthing process. Calleigh cried uncontrollably the whole time and Horatio just held her close. He was crying on the inside too, but he couldn't let her see his weakness for fear she'd lose all hope.

After a short time, Calleigh was instructed to push and she did so, but it was half hearted. She had been looking forward to having a child of her very own, but now as they went through the motions, there was no prize at the end of all this pain. Her son would never take his first breath, she would never hear him cry.

Eventually a tiny baby boy was delivered into the hands of the doctor. There was no celebration as there should have been, only more tears, and Calleigh and Horatio hanging onto each other, held together by fragments of their former selves.

The tiny body was cleaned up and wrapped in a little blue blanket. The doctor came over and handed the little lifeless bundle to Calleigh. She took it gently and leaned against Horatio. She pulled back the blanket with a shaking hand and peered at her son. He was perfectly formed; his little eyelashes lay on his cheek, and his hair, which was a strawberry-blonde, was in adorable disarray. Every feature, every little part of him was perfect, and for a moment Calleigh could almost imagine that he was alive and would open his eyes at any moment. But it was not to be.

Horatio looked down at his son and tears filled his eyes. He touched the baby's soft, cool cheek with his finger tips and he knew his heart was breaking. Calleigh rocked the baby gently and sobbed, leaning into Horatio and he held onto her. They stayed this way for a long time, until the doctor explained they needed to make arrangements for the body. Horatio understood, and tried to take the baby from Calleigh's grasp.

"No!" she sobbed, "Don't take my baby!"

Although it broke his heart to do so, he pried the baby from Calleigh's hands. Over her sobs of protest, he looked at his son one more time and then handed him over to the mortician. He went back to Calleigh's side and held her tight as they both cried over their dream that had been so violently shattered.

Arrangements were made for the little boy to be buried in a children's cemetery at the edge of town. The name they put on his grave stone was Noah Riley Caine. At the funeral, Calleigh was still a mess. She had barely spoken since he died, and when she did it was mostly blaming himself for Noah's death. Horatio had tried to hold it together, but he was failing more and more as the days progressed. Not only had he lost his son, but it seemed he was losing his wife as well.

The painful days turned into weeks, and eventually a whole month had passed since Noah was lost to them. Horatio had gone back to work a week after his death, needing to focus his mind on something besides the tragedy in his life. Calleigh, however, had made no such strides to find her life again. She spent most of her days in their bed or on the couch, staring into nothingness. His heart ached to see her this way, but nothing he tried could free her from her prison of grief. She had not smiled since Noah's death. Horatio had talked to many psychologists about what to do, and they had all told him that she was suffering from severe depression and that beyond taking some medication, there was nothing they could really do for her.

He woke up that morning and looked over to her side of the bed. He knew that she most likely was not sleeping, but he made special efforts to climb out of bed without making too much noise. He went in to take a shower and get ready for work. He wished his wife would join him today. To him, perhaps that greatest tragedy to come from the whole situation was not that fact that he had lost a son, but that he had lost his wife. The charming, happy, strong, beautiful woman he had fallen in love with and married had disappeared so far into her grief that he barely recognized her anymore. She was a mere echo of the woman he used to know and his greatest fear was that she would never come out of it. He knew it would kill him if she were lost to him forever in that way. He loved her so much.

Before he left, he went back up into their bedroom and knelt in front of her. Her eyes were open, but they stared unseeing through him. He brushed a strand of hair from her forehead and said, "I'm going to work now Sweetheart. If there's anything you need, call me okay? I love you." He pressed a kiss to her lips, but there was no response. He smiled sadly, and stood, ready to face another day with out her.

Later at the lab, Ryan and Eric stopped him in the hall. They were worried about their boss and their "big sister". Horatio's face showed a sadness that was almost uncomprehensible and it was as if a rain cloud followed him around, dampening the mood where ever he went.

"H," Eric said, putting a hand on his shoulder, "How are you holding up?"

Horatio sighed, "Today's a rough day, but I have to keep going."

"How is Calleigh?" Ryan asked, looking at the ground and then back up at Horatio.

"She's...She's.." he began, swallowing back the tears, "I don't know anymore. It's like she's given up the will to live. I try to talk to her, but she never says a word. When she's asleep at night, she mutters 'It's all my fault', and when I try to convince her that it wasn't her fault, she ignores me completely or burst into sobs. I'm afraid I'm losing her." The tears came, but he wasn't ashamed to cry in front of his friends. "I can't lose her. Not after everything else that has happened. I'd rather die first."

Ryan and Eric each put a comforting hand on his shoulder, knowing there was nothing they could say to make it better. Horatio gave them a sad smile. "Thank you," he said, grateful for the shelter they provided from his worst fears, "I guess we've just got to take this one day at a time. And have hope of a brighter tomorrow."

Back home Calleigh was sitting on the bed, staring off in front of her. Her mind was in a whirl; thoughts and ideas and pain being tossed around until there was no way of telling up from down. This last month had been a complete nightmare; not only had she lost her son, but she had let Horatio down as well. He had wanted the baby so badly and she hated the look of sadness on his face, knowing it was her fault it was there.

Her fault. This whole mess was her fault. That thought brought her the most pain. If she had listened to the doctor and taken it easy, she might still have a son. She brought her knees up to her chest and sobbed uncontrollably. She had known better and yet she had killed her own son. She felt so unworthy to be loved by anyone after what she had done. Especially Horatio.

Horatio. She had let him down. She didn't deserve to be married to such a wonderful man when she was so ordinary. That was it. She didn't deserve him. All of a sudden a sudden a thought popped into her head. 'Leave him' said the little voice in her head, 'You don't deserve to be married to him. You are a killer. Leave him so that he has a chance at happiness.'

That made sense to her, as nothing had for a long time. Without really thinking she walked over to the closet and began to pack her clothes. When everything was ready to go and put in her car, she sat down to write a note to Horatio. Tears pouring down her face, she laid out her heart on the paper, explaining why she had to leave. She signed the letter, put it in an envelope and sat the letter on the kitchen table where he would be sure to see it. After a moment of reflection, she took her wedding ring off and tenderly placed it beside the note.

She took one last look around the place she had called home for six years, memories assaulting her at every turn. She walked out the door, and out of her life. For good.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews guys! You are all too cool! ;) This chapter is short, but the next one will be longer, I promise! Enjoy!**

Horatio walked up the driveway that night, almost dreading the silence the evening was sure to bring. He turned the key in the lock and opened the front door.

"Calleigh, I'm home," he called, but not really expecting a response. He hung up his jacket in the closet then went upstairs to check on Calleigh. When he opened the bedroom door, he was mildly surprised that she was not there. "Calleigh?" he called again. 'Where on earth could she be?' he thought as he began to search the house for her.

After throughly checking the upstairs of the house, he moved to the main level. He was getting slightly panicked; she was always there. He was just about ready to call the police, when something on the kitchen table caught his eye. It was a letter, addressed to him in her hand.

He walked over and picked up the note, opened the envelope and unfolded the letter inside. Her neat handwriting covered the pages in his hand. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he began to read:

_Dearest Horatio,_

_I don't really know where to begin. You aren't going to believe a word I write anyway, but you need to, because it is the truth. Horatio, first let me say how sorry I am for everything. I know how much you wanted a son and I failed you. It's my fault he is dead and that is something I'll never be able to forgive myself for._

_I know I shouldn't have gone to work that day. I had a gut feeling that something bad would happen if I did, but I listened to my selfish heart instead and went anyway. Because I did what I wanted to, our son died. I know the doctors said that it was a natural occurrence and that there was nothing I could have done, but in my heart I know it was my fault._

_I don't deserve your forgiveness Horatio. I don't even deserve you. That's why I'm leaving. I love you so much and I want you to be happy more that anything in the world. I know I'm not the one that can make you happy. Enclosed you'll find divorce papers. I've already signed them, all you need to do is sign them yourself. Everything we had together is yours; I'm taking what little I do own with me. I want you to move on from this and find yourself another woman who can make you happy Horatio._

_As for me, I'm going to live out the remainder of my life somewhere that doesn't have a memory of you everywhere I turn. Please don't try to find me. I can find some semblance of happiness this way. Please don't worry about me either, I can take care of myself._

_Horatio, know that I always loved you and I always will love you. You infused my life with such peace and joy that I hardly know how to thank you. I care about you and I will miss you more than I can ever say, but this is for the best. Don't be afraid to move on; you deserve all the happiness in the world. Our moment in the sun is over; it's time for us to say goodbye. _

_I love you._

_Calleigh _

Horatio looked down at the paper in disbelief, tears forcing their way into his eyes. He reached down and picked up a shiny, silvery object from the table. It was her wedding ring. Suddenly it was all very real to him. Calleigh was gone.

He thought about drowning in self pity, but then something else rose to the surface; a desperate desire to find her and bring her home. He flipped open his cell phone and dialed Frank's number. It rang five times before he picked up.

"Frank, it's Horatio. Calleigh's gone and I need help finding her."

"Gone?" Frank questioned, "What do you mean gone?"

"She left. Took everything she owns and left."

"I'll be right over Horatio, and I'll bring missing persons agents with me."

"Thanks Frank," Horatio said before hanging up. He dialed Ryan's and then Eric's phone number and gave them a similar message.

Within a half hour, the front lawn of the Caine household was swarming with police cars and people trying to help. Horatio was fluctuating between being worried out of his mind and being his determined self. Ryan and Eric were by his side the whole night, asking him questions and trying to get any information that might help them find Calleigh. The police put out a broadcast for a silver car with a blond driver, hoping that someone would spot her before she got too far. It was a long sleepless night for Horatio.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: You can thank my sister for the quickness of my posting; she can be very influential! ;)**

Calleigh drove most of the day and into the night, stopping only to eat and take a short nap. She knew she needed to get as far away from Miami as soon as possible. She didn't know where she was going, only that she was going to head north until she found a remote enough spot to spend the rest of her life. There were tears in her eyes as she drove and she almost turned around twice, but then she remembered what she had done and she kept going. She got a hotel room in West Virginia early the next morning and decided to sleep until that afternoon.

When she woke up, she turned on the TV to see if anything was happening in the world. What she saw brought a hand to her mouth and made her heart flutter. It was Horatio in the middle of a press conference.

"Any help you can give us would be very much appreciated. I love my wife and if she's listening I want her to know that I forgive her for everything. I'm begging you Calleigh, please come home. I need you."

She quickly turned off the TV, but its effects had already taken hold. She sobbed for a while and a part of her ached to be in his arms again. But, she had to move on. It was better this way.

She drove for most of the next two nights, stopping to sleep here and there, but avoiding police and news reports like they were the plague. Eventually she stopped in a small town in Maine. She got out and walked around, appraising the situation. It was a small enough town that she would be safe here, and it was nothing like Miami, except maybe for the ocean that bordered the city.

She wandered around town and eventually found a diner where she stopped to ask the locals about a place to live. Marty's was a oldies diner with a jukebox in the corner and booths upholstered in red plastic. She took a seat at a barstool and waited until a young woman came to take her order.

"Welcome to Marty's," she said, taking a pencil from behind her ear, "What can I get for you?"

"Actually I was wondering if you could tell me where I could get a place to live? I'm new here," Calleigh explained.

"Well, you've come to the right place," the woman said, "There's an opening at the apartment building I live in, not two blocks from here. I'm Cindy by the way."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Calleigh," Calleigh said, giving the young woman a small smile.

"If you want, I'll go over there with you as soon as my shift ends, which should be..." she said looking down at her watch, "in about twenty minutes."

"That would be wonderful," Calleigh yawned.

"And I'll get you a cup of coffee, on the house," Cindy said with a smile.

Calleigh nursed her cup of coffee, waiting for Cindy's shift to be over. After Cindy punched out for the day and said goodbye to her coworkers, they got into Calleigh's car and headed over to the apartment complex. The landlord gave Calleigh a tour of the room for rent and she decided it would suit her purposes just fine. After signing the contract, Cindy helped Calleigh move all the boxes into the new apartment.

"So what brings you to Rock Harbor?" Cindy asked as she helped unpack boxes.

"I just..." Calleigh hesitated, "I just needed to get away from something, and this seemed like a nice place to be."

"A run-away huh?" Cindy asked, looking at Calleigh, "We get those here all the time. Safest place in the world if you don't want anyone to find you."

"That's what I'm hoping for," Calleigh sighed.

"Have you got a job up here yet?" Cindy asked as she put some books in the bookcase.

"No, I've got to find something though," Cal muttered, putting a jacket in the closet.

"Well, the only job opening I know of is a waitress at Marty's. It pays alright and although the hours are weird, it's not a bad place to be."

Calleigh thought about it for a moment. She had the potential to do so much more that wait tables, after all she did have a college degree, but there was something about completely changing the way she lived that appealed to her. "I think I'd like that," she said, smiling.

"Alright then," Cindy grinned, "I'll talk to the boss first thing in the morning. He'll love you."

That night as Calleigh lay in her new bed, she though about her new life here in Rock Harbor. It was a hope for a new beginning. And she had escaped the memories of the past. Or so she thought, because that night when she closed her eyes, she dreamed of Horatio.

**A/N: Please read, and review with ideas/thoughts!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you so much for all your reviews guys! You all rock! **

**As TenFour pointed out, there wasn't a lot of Alexx around in the previous two chapters. Alexx plays a huge part in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or its characters. Cindy on the other hand, belongs to me! ;)**

"Order up!"

Calleigh scooped up the three plates with ease and moved into the dining area where she placed the dishes in front of the customers.

"Enjoy," she said with a smile.

Heading back into the kitchen to add up the check on another customer's order, she stopped by Cindy and waved a stack of money in her face. "That last customer was a huge tipper! The girls night is on me this week."

Cindy laughed, "Alright, but I get to pick the movie."

Calleigh just nodded as she went back to work.

It had been a month now since she left Miami and her old life. Rock Harbor had become her new home and she was fitting in nicely, although at times she missed the warm Miami sun, her friends and co-workers, and a certain redheaded man that still made her heart flutter once and a while.

'Get a grip Calleigh,' she said to herself as she went about clearing tables, 'He's probably dating someone by now, maybe even remarried. He's moved on and so have you.'

For the most part she was happy here. She and Cindy had become very close friends and they did everything together, including celebrating Cindy's 30th birthday a week or so ago. Cindy always teased Calleigh about the fact that many of the diner's patrons had their eye on her, but Calleigh kept telling Cindy that she didn't want to date anyone, she was happy being single.

That night when shift was over, the girls headed back to Calleigh's apartment for a night of chick flicks, manicures, and chocolate ice cream. Cindy bounced onto the couch and started flipping through channels while Cal dished up the ice cream in the kitchen.

"Would you look at that!" Cindy said, stopping on a channel, "Hey, Calleigh, that girl looks just like you!"

Calleigh hurried into the living room and stopped dead in her tracks. They were doing a news report and the man being interviewed made her heart stop beating.

"And how long has your wife been missing Lieutenant?" the news anchor asked.

"About a month now," Horatio answered, "I'm hoping that by getting the word out again we might find her."

"Is there anything you would like to say to you wife over the air?" the anchor pressed.

He turned to look at the camera directly and hundreds of miles away, Calleigh felt as if he were staring right at her. "I love you Calleigh," he said, emotion in his voice, "I don't understand the reasons you left. I miss you and I need you. Please come home."

Calleigh dropped the bowl of ice cream she was holding and it shattered on the wood floor, spreading ice cream all over.

"If you've seen Calleigh Caine or have any information about her disappearance," the reporter said,"please call the hotline at 673-5596." A picture of her, taken just about the time she'd found out she was pregnant, flashed across the screen, with the hotline number just beneath it.

"Calleigh," Cindy said, hurrying over to help clean up the ice cream, "Is that you the newscaster was talking about?"

At this Calleigh burst into sobs. Cindy helped her over to the couch, the spilled ice cream suddenly forgotten. Cindy handed her a tissue from the coffee table and she took it gratefully. They sat in silence for several minutes before Calleigh found the courage to speak.

"The woman on the TV is me," Calleigh began, "or at least was me at one point. I...I did some horrible things, and I couldn't deal with the fact that I'd let my husband down, so I left, hoping that he would get over it and move on. Apparently he hasn't." She chuckled, but there was no mirth in her voice.

"He really looks like he loves you," Cindy said, putting her arm around Calleigh, "What did you do that was so horrible that you couldn't stay?"

Calleigh started to cry again, "I lost our baby and it was my fault."

"Oh sweetie," Cindy said, holding her tight, letting her cry.

"I just didn't deserve him," she murmured after a few minutes, "And I still don't. That's why I can't go back to him."

"But he loves you Cal," Cindy said, wiping Calleigh's tears, "Isn't that reason enough to go back? You're breaking his heart."

"I already broke his heart once, and I'm not going to do it again. I can't go back. Please, don't make me," she pleaded.

Cindy shook her head sadly, but agreed not to tell anyone.

The girls night was pretty much ruined by this time, but Cindy still tried to make the best of it, anything to get Calleigh's mind off the man she left behind. The man that still loved her with all of his heart.

Calleigh couldn't stop thinking about it when she went to bed that night. He wasn't letting go like she had asked him to. He couldn't keep searching for her and waste his life away. She wasn't going to allow herself to be found. But she did need to make sure he stopped searching.

By morning she had decided that she would call Alexx, her one confidant at the crime lab, and have Alexx tell Horatio to stop looking for her. She took her phone and went for a walk near the ocean to make the call. She dialed the number with shaky hands, and then put the phone up to her ear, waiting for her past to answer.

"Hello, Alexx Woods speaking"

"Alexx," Calleigh said, tears coming to her eyes, "It's me, Calleigh."

"Calleigh? Oh my gosh, I never thought I'd hear from you again," Alexx gushed, relief evident in her voice, "Have you called Horatio yet? He's been sick with worry!"

"No, I haven't called him yet, and I don't plan on doing so either," Calleigh said, "When I said I wanted to disappear for good, I was serious. I just called to have you relay a message for me."

"I would love to Calleigh," Alexx said, suddenly getting an idea, "But can you call me back in just a minute? I'm getting really bad reception in the morgue. Let me get to higher ground so we can talk more. Alright?"

"Alright Alexx," Calleigh said, "I'll talk to you in a few minutes."

Alexx hung up the phone and raced over to the lab as fast as she could go. She passed the break room where Ryan, Eric and Horatio were all working on their first cups of coffee for the day.

"Horatio, Calleigh just called," Alexx said excitedly.

Horatio spit out his coffee as did Ryan and Eric. "What!?" Horatio said, totally stupefied, "Alexx, are you serious?"

"As a heart attack," Alexx said, "But she's going to call back in a few minutes and I was thinking that if we can trace her call..."

"We can find out where she is," Horatio said cutting her off, "Brilliant Alexx!"

"Let's get set up in the AV room before she calls back," Ryan said, and all four friends headed down the hall.

They were just hooking up the last of the equipment when the phone started to ring again.

"Remember, Horatio," Alexx said before picking up, "Not a word. I want her to think that I'm alone so she'll stay on the phone longer. Can you do that?"

He nodded solemnly, but his heart was aching to hear his wife's voice.

"Calleigh," Alexx said answering the phone, "I'm so glad you called back. I've missed you so much, the whole lab has missed you."

"I miss you guys too," Calleigh said. Hearing his wife's voice over speaker phone was enough to make Horatio's knees go weak and he had to bite his finger to keep from saying something.

"You really won't come back to us?" Alexx asked, watching Cooper as he dialed in on Calleigh's location.

"I'm sorry, Alexx, but I've made my decision," Calleigh explained, fighting back the sadness in her voice, "I've got a good job here and people who care about me. I'm fine. I just need you to convince Horatio that he can move on too."

"But honey, he's heartbroken over the fact that you're gone. He's not the same without you," Alexx said, watching Horatio's eyes as she spoke.

"I know, Alexx," Calleigh sniffed, the tears now forcing their way down her cheeks, "But you've got to understand that I'm not coming back. I need you to help him move on without me. He doesn't need me as much as he thinks."

"Oh, but he does," Alexx said softly as she watched a tear creep down his face.

"Listen, Alexx, I've got to go, work starts in an hour. It was really nice to talk to you again; tell everyone that I love them and I'll never forget them," she struggled to get the next part out, "And tell Horatio that I love him with all my heart, but I'm where I need to be right now."

"I will, honey," Alexx said, "You take care of yourself, alright? And if you ever need a friend, I'm always here."

"Thanks Alexx," she said, wiping a tear away, "Take care."

"Bye Calleigh," Alexx said.

As soon as Calleigh hung up they all turned to Cooper.

"Did you get a location?" Horatio asked, urgency in his voice.

"I did and you'll never believe where she is, Rock Harbor, Maine," Cooper said, "I got within a block of where she made the call."

"Maine," Horatio said quietly, "I've got to go find her. Hold down the fort for me guys," he said turning to Ryan and Eric.

"Will do boss," Eric said.

"Bring her home safe," said Ryan.

"I will," Horatio said grabbing a computer printout and then before leaving the room, he turned back to Cooper, "And Cooper, great job. You can expect a huge bonus when we get back."

Cooper smiled as Horatio raced out the door.

**A/N: Dum, dum, dum! Will Horatio find Calleigh? Will Calleigh run again? Find out next time in the fifth installment of **_**To See Her Smile**_

**Also, please read and review**! **It makes my brain write so much faster! ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: First of all, let me say thank you to all who reviewed! Your guys are absolutely amazing! I love hearing what you think should happen and I love the feedback you give me. It's all marvelous!**

**This chapter is my favorite of all the chapters in the story. Actually the idea for this chapter was what prompted me to write the story in the first place. This is the climax of **_**To See Her Smile**_**, but not the end by any stretch of the imagination. I hope that you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Also, if you are any kind of a romantic, you might want to have a tissue nearby when you read this. ;)**

It took Horatio two hours to find a flight to Maine and then another hour until takeoff. He paced the airport the whole time, his mind wandering in circles. He was going to find her and bring her home after all. Finally they could be a family again.

He boarded the airplane and couldn't seem to relax the whole flight. He studied the maps that Cooper had given him and tried to figure out exactly where she was.

He had ordered a car to be waiting for him at the airport when he landed, and an hour later he was on the highway headed for Rock Harbor. As he raced towards her, he prayed that he could talk some sense into her and that she would come back with him. It was about 9 o'clock PM by the time he got in to Rock Harbor. He hadn't realized what a small town it was. He searched the streets first, almost as if he expected there to be a huge sign that said "Calleigh Caine This Way" with an arrow pointing him which way to go.

He finally stopped some people that were taking an evening walk. "Excuse me," he said, getting out of his car, "I'm looking for a woman named Calleigh Caine. Do you know where I might find her?"

"Well, I don't know any Calleigh Caines," the man said, scratching his chin, "But I do know a Calleigh Duquesne. Pretty girl. Works at Marty's diner just down the road."

"Would she be there at this time of night?" Horatio asked.

"She usually closes on Friday night, so she's probably there," another man finished.

"Thank you so much," Horatio said hopping back in the car and flipping a 'U', heading back toward the diner he had passed a few minutes ago. To think she had been there the whole time. In just a few minutes he would see his wife again.

* * *

It had been a long day and Calleigh was beat. Her long blond hair was twisted up into a messy bun and her black uniform was wrinkled from having worked all day. It was her turn to close up for the night and that meant scrubbing down all the tables and making sure everything was in its place. Jerry, her boss, was in the back working the books and she only had two tables left before she could go home to a nice bubble bath. 

She was bent over a table, back to the door, when she heard the chime of the bell at the front of the diner. She ignored it, thinking that it was just Cindy come to pick her up. She continued scrubbing the table until a voice interrupted her thoughts.

"I always thought you looked good in black"

Her heart stopped cold and she straightened up slowly, willing herself to turn around. She recognized the voice; it spoke to her every night in her dreams. She turned around and dreams became reality as there before her stood the one man in the world that she wanted, no...needed, by her side. She couldn't bring herself to say anything or make any move towards him, for fear he'd vanish like every other dream.

He rushed towards her and enveloped her in his strong embrace. She melted into him, sobbing. It suddenly felt as if everything that was wrong with the world was right once again. In his arms she felt safe and protected, and most of all, loved. She held onto his shirt and cried into his chest, his arms never slackening their hold on her.

How long he held her there, they would never know. All sense of time ended and it was just the two of them, together at last.

Eventually he pulled away slightly. Cupping her face in his hand, he wiped away the tears with his thumb. "Calleigh, my Calleigh," he whispered as he leaned down to kiss her.

The feel of his lips on hers was enough to awaken a part of her that had been long dead and she felt a great peace and love enter her heart again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

When they parted, she was breathless. Had her knight in shining armor really come to rescue her from her demons and doubts? She looked up into his eyes and saw nothing but pure happiness and love reflected there.

"Why Calleigh?" he asked quietly after a moment, "Why did you leave?"

"Because I don't deserve you. I failed you Horatio," she said ducking her head, ashamed.

"You're wrong," he said raising her chin to meet his eyes again.

"But Horatio, I killed our baby. How can you love me after something like that?"

"Calleigh, I don't know how to make you understand that it wasn't your fault," he said, compassion in his every tone, "I never blamed you for that and I never will. It was an accident and we just have to accept it and move on."

"I can't shake the guilt. It haunts me every day," she said, tears spilling down her face again.

"And you thought that running away would make it easier?" he asked quietly.

"I just couldn't face you anymore, knowing what I did to your dreams, our dreams. You deserved a world I couldn't give you."

"Don't you know you _are_ my world?" he whispered, looking into her eyes.

She shook her head and a sob escaped her throat. He pulled her back into him tightly and kissed her hair.

They stayed that way for a long time, a kind of healing transpiring between them. He was teaching her to trust herself again and to let the guilt go. She was healing him just by being near him and filling his lonely heart.

"Will you come back to Miami with me?" he asked, pulling back only slightly.

"But how will I face everyone? I ran away like a coward," she said, ducking her head again.

"We'll do it together, one step at a time," he promised, "And everything will be alright."

"But we're not together " Calleigh admitted, suddenly remembering her request to him in the letter.

Horatio smiled. "I couldn't go through with it Cal, I love you too much. But I do have something that you left behind in Miami." He pulled her diamond wedding band out of his pocket and showed it to her. "May I?" he asked.

Calleigh smiled, her eyes swimming with unshed tears, and nodded. He grinned and slipped the wedding band on her finger.

"Finally back where it belongs," he said, kissing her hand.

"I'm ready to go home, Horatio," she said looking up, "Back to where _I_ belong."

**TBC**

**A/N: Awww, Calleigh and Horatio are finally together again at last! "I always thought you looked good in black", how good is he? ;) **

**Questions remain, however... Has Calleigh truly forgiven herself? Will a return to Miami make the problem resurface? And most importantly, can Calleigh and Horatio ever have their fairy tale ending? **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello again! Sorry for the lack of updates, I've been swamped with real life. Thank you to all who reviewed, you guys are the absolute greatest! I've tried to respond to all the reviews, but I apologize if I missed you. The reviews still mean a lot to me. Enjoy this chapter!**

The next morning when he woke up in a strange apartment, he was confused as to where he was. It all fell into place when he looked over and found Calleigh sleeping peacefully by his side. He smiled to himself. She looked so serene, as calm and serene as she had been before Noah died. He watched her until she began to stir.

"Morning Mr. Caine," she said opening her beautiful green eyes and smiling at him. There was a light about her now that had been absent for so many months. Her eyes shone with happiness and her smile was back. He couldn't fool himself into thinking that everything would be one hundred percent all at once, but he knew that with her by his side, they could face anything.

"Morning Mrs. Caine," he said, leaning over to greet her with a kiss.

"This sure beats how I woke up yesterday," she said with a laugh.

"I would have to agree," he smiled.

They got up and fixed breakfast together and got ready for the day. Then they went downstairs to talk to Cindy.

"Hi Calleigh," Cindy said opening the door, "What are you doing here so early? And who's this handsome man next to you?"

"Cindy, I'd like you to meet my husband, Horatio Caine. Horatio this is my dear friend Cindy Galentine."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Horatio said, shaking her hand.

"Likewise. So I guess this means that you are headed back to Miami," Cindy said, a trace of sadness in her voice.

"We are," Horatio said, "but we have a proposition for you. Calleigh mentioned that you have a degree in computer programming."

"I do," Cindy said, confused, "But I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"We'd like for you to come back to Miami with us. I'm in need of a second AV tech and I think you could do a fabulous job," Horatio said calmly.

"But I don't know a thing about audio visual work," Cindy said, concerned.

"Don't worry, we have an excellent tech on staff and I'm sure he'd be more than willing to teach you," Horatio explained, "So is that something you'd like to do?"

It only took Cindy a few seconds to make up her mind. "I'd be a fool not to take you up on your offer Mr. Caine. I'd love to come to Miami with you!"

Calleigh gave an excited squeal and wrapped her friend in a big hug.

Within the next two days Calleigh and Cindy packed everything they owned and had it shipped back to Miami. Horatio and Calleigh had offered to let Cindy stay with them until she had a place of her own, and Cindy had graciously accepted.

Finally they were on the plane bound for home. Calleigh leaned her head against Horatio's shoulder and squeezed his hand tightly. "How does it feel to be going home?" she asked him.

"Wonderful, now that you are going there with me," he said with a smile. She leaned up and kissed him, grateful to have a man like him in her life.

The next day after they had gotten everything unpacked, they went to the crime lab to introduce Cindy to everyone.

"Calleigh!" Alexx grinned, running over to scoop the bullet girl into a huge hug, "Wow, we missed you!"

"I missed you guys too," Calleigh said, "It's good to be home."

Alexx looked Calleigh over and then commented, "There's a light in your eyes again."

Calleigh looked over her shoulder to Horatio and smiled at him. "I guess I realized what's really important," she said.

"Calleigh!" came the cries of excitement as Eric and Ryan hurried over to the group. Calleigh giggled as Eric and Ryan swept her off her feet, literally, pulling her into a hug.

"We missed you big sister," Eric said with a smile, putting her back on her feet.

"The lab just isn't the same without our Calleigh sunshine," Ryan grinned.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere ever again, I promise," she said, taking Horatio's hand in hers, "Oh, before I forget, there' someone I want you all to meet. This is Cindy Galentine, our new AV tech. Cindy this is Eric Delko and Ryan Wolfe."

"Please to meet you," Eric said shaking her hand.

"Welcome to Miami," Ryan said, taking her hand in his. They met each other's eyes and it was if a spark of electricity traveled between them. Calleigh turned to look at Horatio and gave him a grin that clearly said 'We have to watch these two.' Horatio laughed and nodded.

As Horatio and Calleigh walked down the hall hand in hand he asked her, "So does Miami stack up against Rock Harbor?"

"No not in the slightest," she said quickly, a smile curving the corners of her mouth, "Because there really is no place like home."

**A/N: There is only one more chapter left to go, so please review! **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Sorry it took such a long time to update. I just moved and it took a little while to set up and then get back in the writing frame of mind. I want to thank all of you for your amazing reviews and support! **

**This is the last chapter of **_**To See Her Smile**_**. I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. Thank you for taking this journey with me. Here's to you... **

**Epilogue **

_Six years later..._

It was the annual Fourth of July picnic at Caine house and the noise and laughter filtering through the hot summer air filled Calleigh's ears. She grinned as she put her infant son up to her shoulder to burp him. She patted his back as she watch the action in the yard.

Eric was over by the grill talking to Alex's husband and flipping the hamburgers. Natalia sat by the pool talking and laughing with Alexx about something. Horatio and Ryan were no where to be seen, but she could hear squeals of laughter and knew they couldn't be too far.

Just then the screen door opened and Cindy stepped outside, carrying another infant, this one dressed in a little red and blue sun dress. She sat down next to Calleigh under the shade of the awning.

"There all better," Cindy said cooing to the little girl, "Now you can go to sleep."

Calleigh laughed, "Do they ever go to sleep when they're told?"

"No," Cindy said smiling, "but there is always a first time for everything."

Just then Horatio came charging around the corner, chasing after a little blond haired girl. "Gotcha!" he exclaimed, tossing the five year old over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She giggled and squealed, "Daddy! Let me down!"

Ryan came around the other side of the house, a five year old boy tucked under one arm. "I've got the other one H," he said, tickling the little boy and making him squirm with laughter.

"You wouldn't be tormenting my son, would you Ryan?" Calleigh asked with one raised eyebrow.

"No. Yes. Maybe," he said, "But your husband is tormenting your daughter."

"I'm allowed to do that cause I'm her Dad," Horatio said laughing, "It comes with the territory."

"Mommy," the five year old girl, Chloe, whined between giggles, "Make Daddy put me down."

"Alright, Horatio, let her go," Calleigh said, still rubbing the baby boy's back, "That goes for you too Ryan, put Aiden down."

"Spoil sport," Ryan said, putting his cargo on the ground, Horatio doing the same.

As the twins ran off to play, Calleigh watched them with a mother's admiration. She was so lucky. All of a sudden the baby she was holding let out a loud burp, making all the adults laugh.

"That's my little man," Calleigh cooed, smiling at her green eyed little boy.

"Here, let me take him," Horatio said, picking up the infant from Calleigh's arms. "How are you today Jackson?" Horatio asked his son, tickling his little feet and earning a smile from the baby.

"Horatio, the burgers are almost ready," Eric called from the grill.

"I guess I'll go get the salads then," Calleigh said, standing up from her chair and heading towards the kitchen.

"Let me help you," Cindy said standing, "Will you watch Chelsea for a minute Ryan?"

Ryan took the baby from his wife eagerly, "I thought you'd never ask. Mommy doesn't share you very well, does she?" he asked his daughter.

"I don't share?" Cindy said mockingly, "Who's the one that's always got the baby every time I lay her down for a nap and who's the one I have to wrestle her away from so I can feed her?"

"I guess you've got a point there," Ryan said and then speaking to his daughter said, "One thing you've got to learn right up front is that Mommy is _always _right."

"Ooo, he's a smart one," Cindy said with a laugh, kissing him on the lips before heading inside to help Calleigh.

As they sat eating on the grass, Calleigh looked around and couldn't help but feel grateful for everything she had in her life. Aiden and Chloe sat in front of her and she laughed at the particular way in which they ate their food. Horatio had baby Jackson on his lap as he ate and talked to Ryan and Cindy, who were playing with their own baby. She was surrounded by her friends and family and should couldn't ask for anything more.

Later that night after their guests had left and Jackson was asleep, Horatio and Calleigh sat out on the porch swing and watched Aiden and Chloe catch fireflies.

"Mmm," she said snuggling into his chest, "I wish we could stay like this forever."

"I would have to second that," he said, kissing her.

"I never thought I could be happy again after Noah died," she said voicing things that she had been thinking about all day, "But you were right, everything worked out alright in the end."

He pulled her closer to him, just letting the thought float in the air. A warm summer breeze blew by, scattering the fireflies the had been within the grasp of the twins. As Aiden and Chloe took off after the scattered bugs, Calleigh and Horatio smiled.

They had a future coming to greet them, and it was as bright as the Miami sun.

**The End**

**A/N: Finished at long last. I'm sad in a way, because I really liked these characters and the story. As sort of an antidote, I am thinking of writing a companion story about Cindy; how she ended up in Rock Harbor and her life with Ryan. There is so much more about this character that you don't know and I would love to let you get to know her better. If you think this is a good idea, please let me know. I really appreciate the input! Thanks again!**


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